Warning: Full spoilers from the episode to follow.
After Schmidt's two-timing escapades went up in flames (thanks to Nick and Jess's meddling), Schmidt was ready to do everything in his power to sabotage Nick and Jess's relationship. Winston, meanwhile, had already put together a handy Nick-and-Jess survival kit, including a blindfold, a bell collar and a deck of cards. ("Wanna see a magic trick?")
Unfortunately, that tactic didn't suit Schmidt, and admittedly, his scheming did come with some humorous moments: the one-month anniversary sheet cake, the revelation of Schmidt's Billy Zane fan club the "Zaniacs," and of course his pièce de résistance, "The Captain," which was probably the highlight of his cunning antics. I particularly enjoyed his description of the daring sex move, which apparently involved racial slurs, dolphin sounds and a spy glass.
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